Ten Reasons Your Fantasy Football Team Will Not Be in the Playoffs

You lost your first round pick to injury, you lost track of every bye week, and you lost to that guy who hasn't set his lineup since the preseason. Tragedies all, but does not entirely explain why you are out of the Fantasy Football playoffs. This could be why:

1. You drafted Michael Vick in the first round.
2. You passed on Aaron Rodgers, Steven Jackson, Matt Forte, MJD, Wes Welker, and Steve Smith citing their high risk of injury.
3. You did not believe in Cam Newton.
4. You did believe in Jimmy Clausen.
5. You still believe in Kevin Kolb.
6. You are still carrying Peyton Manning.
7. You are still juggling Redskins running backs.
8. The Darren McFadden for Jordy Nelson trade has not gone your way.
9. You faced Eric Decker in week 2 (26pts), Jermichael Finley and Tory Smith in week 3 (72pts), and Chris Johnson, Victor Cruz and Sebastian Janikowski in week 12 (85pts).
10. Peyton Hillis.

Better luck next year. Fantasy Football Draft Guide.

2011 NFL Week 1 New Orleans Saints V Green Bay Packers, Point Spreads and Picks

This post is provided as entertainment, and is by no means intended for the purpose of gambling. That said, this post is positively intended for the purpose of gambling, and we want full credit when you win your weekly work pool:

Thursday, September 8, 2011
New Orleans Saints v Green Bay Packers -4.5 

Ever think you would see a Drew Brees led New Orleans Saints team getting four and a half points? Opening in Green Bay against the Aaron Rodgers led defending Super Bowl champion Packers is the only way it would happen. And so it has.

Excellent theater indeed. NBC likely sold its soul to end the lockout. Truly, NBC has shown it has no soul when they put Jay Leno back on the Tonight Show, though they are no doubt pleased the NFL's off-season spat did not mess up tonight's broadcast.

A season is not lost in a single defeat, and certainly not in the first week. However, the Saints and Packers are among the realistic favorites to represent the NFC in the 2012 Super Bowl (for the unrealistic, see Philadelphia), and someone is going to exit this game with an important statement-win.

The Saints have swapped Reggie Bush for rookie Mark Ingram, as they attempt to iron out a modest weakness at running back. Brees, Marques Colston, Lance Moore and rising star, Jimmy Graham should be enough to carry any offense, but the Packers are returning a stellar, Super-Bowl winning D.

Green Bay has it's own muddled running game, though Aaron Rodgers, Greg Jennings, Jermichael Finley and Donald Driver (common, give the ol' guy a break) will score, and score at will.

There is no future in what we are about to suggest, but this game is a special circumstance. You should never bet on a team which you think will lose, regardless of the spread. Both of these teams are likely so good, however, the standard principles do not apply. Green Bay will win this game, but New Orleans should cover.

If your pool does not use spreads, take the Packers. If you can get 4.5 points, go with the Saints.

One factor that may come into play, which no one wants to consider, New Orleans had to bring in John Kasay to replace Garrett Hartley, their regular kicker, who hurt himself during a preseason PAT. Won't it be interesting if this game comes down to a last-second field goal?

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How to train for the 2011 Disneyland Half Marathon in less than a week

The 6th annual Disneyland Half Marathon is next weekend; Sunday, September 4. It's too late to enter, and if you aren't in shape yet you may not win, but it's never too late to get fired up for this incredible event.

A distance run can be intimidating and many will back out of race at the last minute, even one for which they have paid. For a Disney race, this need not apply. Disney races can be as competitive as any, and the thousand or so people up front will run you into the Main Street asphalt if you get in the way, but for the lay-runner, Disney Sports in general, and the Disneyland Half Marathon in particular is pleasurable, leisurely and as well conceived and orchestrated as anything that bears the Disney name.

Not convinced? Still a little nervous? Here are a few 11th-hour tips and suggestions for approaching and surviving the delightful, yet lengthy race:

Wear Good Shoes
You don't have to run the entire course. Disney even invites you to pause for photos with your favorite characters, and observe a local hula or marching band. 13.1 miles, though, is as far as it sounds, and walking, running or both, even the Happiest Race on Earth will become a chore in improper footwear.
One year we kept pace with three kids dressed as Huey, Dewey and Louie. They were good runners, but were miserable in their duck feet. Many participants don whimsical dress, though these three must have been paying off a bet or something. They weren't happy at all.

Arrive Early
 Disney wrote the book on organization, and knows a thing or two about crowd control. Runners are assigned separate "Corrals," and the race begins as smoothly as any in existence. However, there are reportedly 20-thousand entrants this year. That's a lot of people to squeeze into one place at 6:00 in the morning. Even the best laid plans get muddled in the face of the sleep deprived masses.
Give yourself plenty of time to park, if you have to, and get to your Corral. There's a stage, music, celebrites, a charming MC, and a bunch of people to watch. Mickey Mouse, Minnie and others will be there, so there's plenty to entertain you before the race.
Arrive late, or just in time, and run the genuine risk of getting stuck in, or behind, Corral W. With 20K people to siphon through the starting gate those relegated to the rear ranks are going to be standing around for a while, despite the entertainment.

Bring Your Camera
The characters, cast members, course and entire experience are well worth documenting. The whole thing is truly memorable, and you will want to return next year, but you will be pleased to have your camera along to capture the memories.
Besides, your lazy husband, and your kids you can't yet motivate into joining you can better appreciate the tale you will have to tell if you back it up with photos.

Enjoy Yourself
This last one is self explanatory, and really the whole point. See you there.


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Abercrombie & Fitch to pay The Situation to stop wearing Abercrombie & Fitch

What does it say when a company that created, marketed and sold push-up bikinis to preteen girls wants nothing to do with you? Plenty.

International image-poisoning clothing company Abercrombie & Fitch announced in a half-hearted, perhaps, but most certainly public statement, it would like Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, of MTV's reality show The Jersey Shore, to stop wearing its brand. The reverse-marketing proposal is aimed at protecting A&F's already dubious image.

"We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino's association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image.  We..believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans."

Abercrombie & Fitch either has a wonderful sense of humor, or irony. A&F surely understands the kids that constitute the majority of the MTV audience are the same easily influenced non-individuals gobbling up their slut-jeans and overpriced t-shirts. Not sure what Mr. Sorrentino can do to distress an Abercrombie & Fitch customer that they haven't done already. And as to the aspirational nature of their brand, surely the piles of naked A&F models aspire to rid the world of war and bronchitis.

Abercrombie & Fitch has done for individuality and adolescent self-esteem what the new season of The Jersey Shore is doing for international relations.  For a clothing company, its unrealistically physiqued models do not suffer from an excess of clothes. Still selling a padded bikini for seven-year-old girls, though no longer marketed as a push-up top, A&F has little room to point its condescending finger.

The Situation may exhibit some questionable social habits, but the women to whom he offers his sweaty, orange-skinned affection are at or above the age of consent. The same cannot be said for the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog.

In a related story, a prolific, but socially-sensitive German automaker has asked strippers to stop driving BMWs.

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